Divorce and Widowhood

Questions:
1. According to the research presented by Stephanie Coontz, how does divorce affect children, and what factors account for the variation in these effects?
2. According to Furstenberg and Cherlin, what factors affect short-term and long-term adjustment of children to divorce?
3. According to Carr, what three factors are the most important influences on spousal bereavement? How does gender shape the experience of spousal loss?


1. According to Coontz, the effects of divorce on children tend to be over exaggerated. While it is true that ending a marriage is an agonizing process on all parties involved, it is not right to say that children in divorced families have more problems, but that more children of divorced parents have problems. Studies showed that while there was a connection with lower levels of child well-being and divorce, overall they were not significantly large. The more controlled the studies were, the smaller the reported differences: "The large majority of children of divorce do not experience severe or long-term problems: Most do not drop out of school, get arrested, abuse drugs, or suffer long-term emotional distress" (100). Divorce does not account for the most social problems such as high school dropout rates or teen pregnancy. Coontz cites the research of Mavis Hetherington that revealed that 20 to 25 percent of kids from divorced families have behavior problems. But that means that 75 to 80 percent, the majority, do not have such problems. So many of the problems seen in children of divorce are caused by factors that can potentially result from divorce, like poverty, financial loss, school relocation, or a prior history of marital conflict (101). Therefore, it is fair to say that divorce causes conditions and situations that can cause many childhood problems, but divorce itself does not lead to such problems. Children in intact families that have high levels of conflict tend to do worse that children in divorced families because they are constantly exposed to fighting. Problems resulting from divorce can be avoided by parents. The worst problems result from when a mother's attention is distracted by depression, anger, or economic pressures, but many of these characteristics are often already existing in the mother prior to divorce (104). Another effect is conflict between parents. Children in disputed custody cases experience the most problems, therefore, divorcing parents should not involve their children in the divorce by bad-mouthing the other parent or making them choose sides.

2. According to Furstenberg and Cherlin, there are both short term and long term adjustment periods for children of divorce. They call the first two years following the separation a "crisis period". This period is where the short term problems arise and when they need the most emotional support. Children initially experience shock, anxiety, and anger when they learn of the breakup. Children have two special needs during this time: they need extra emotional support, and they need "structure provided by a reasonably predictable daily routine" (493). There are 2 general types of behavioral problems seen among childrenof divorce. The first is externalizing disorders, which is behavior directed outward resulting in aggression, disobedience, or lying. The second is to internalize disorders, resulting in depression, anxiety or withdrawal (493). Generally, boys experience more aggressive and antisocial behavior than girls, but girls tend to internalize their problems more. Overall, children are moderately or severely distressed when their parents separate and most go through a period of confusion, sadness, or anger for months or years afterward (494). Most children recover from the crisis period within 2 or 3 years. While it is probably true that many young adults always have the memories of their parent's divorce, it doesn't necessarily impair their own functioning as adults. It is possible that if their parents had remained together, they might have had equally or more painful memories of a dysfunctional marriage (495). Studies show that the majority of children from divorced homes do not misbehave in school. Overall, Furstenberg and Cherlin conlcude that while there does exist a minority that are greatly affected for a long period of time, the majority are not.

3. According to Carr, the three factors that are the most important influences on spousal bereavement are the age of the husband and wife, how the spouse died, and what the couple's relationship was like prior to the death (24). Of the 900,000 Americans who lose a spouse each year, 75% are 65 or older (24). Older bereaved spouses have a support system that younger widows and widowers do not have in their friends, peers, and siblings, who they may have watched go through the same experience before them. In a way, this allows the to "rehearse" and prepare themselves for the same thing, and they can turn to turn to one another for wisdom and support. Death also changes in meaning when you get older. It is viewed as a natural event that they expected to happen, its not as though their time together was cut short. Older people are also better able to regulate their emotions. (24-25). Secondly, the cause of death is also an important factor. The leading causes of death among those 65 or older are long drawn out diseases such as heart disease, cancer, diabetes, etc (25). These diseases require the other spouse to be a caregiver, which is very physically and emotionally draining. Older caregivers have higher levels of strain and depressive symptoms when their spouses are suffering, but many bounce back not too long after their spouses die. 90% felt that the death was a relief to the patient, and 72% admitted that the death was also a relief to them (25). For older people, the event of eath is less painful than the often long process. Finally, the condition of the couple's marriage is also a factor. "People with the most close-knit, loving marriages experience the most severe symptoms of sadness and yearning in the first 6 months after their loss", but after time, they begin to enjoy the memories without grieving (25). Also, widows and widowers who had problematic marriages are healthier psychologically following their spouses death. Many who were dependent on the other for financial reasons or for homemaking reveal they are stronger and more self-confident following the death of their spouse.
Gender greatly shapes the experience of spousal loss. Since it is generally the case that the male is the primary breadwinner of the family, women often lose financial support. When a husband dies, his Social Security checks are reduced: it is estimated that a widow's cost of living is about 80% of what the couples was (26). Men are more likely to experience sickness, disability, and death after their wives die because often their wife is their caretaker. Wives often monitor their husband's diets, encourage exercise, remind them to take medication, and discourage bad habits like smoking and drinking (26). When they are gone, so are these reminders. The wife tends to maintain connection with family and friends, and men lose this social support because they tend to be stronger and more silent. This social support is vital for physical and emotional health. Women have supportive relationships with friends and relatives and participation in community activities to fill the void left by her husband. Men as a result are more likely to seek new romantic partners soon after the loss of their wife. Remarriage and dating are ways to bounce back from the resulting loneliness and sadness. They also have more opportunities to find new partners due to the gender gap resulting from the difference in mortality (3 women for every man 85 and older), as well as the tendency to marry younger (26).